Thoughts3/31/2018 Hello everyone! It’s Saturday again! It feels like last Saturday was literally yesterday, this was a fast week. So far this weekend, I’ve applied for college and I have looked into the programs that the college I hope to attend has, and I’m very excited for the future! I decided I want to be a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer sometime last week, I think, and it feels great to have a goal planned. It’s also frightening because I have no clue how I’m going to get to where I’m going, but Gods got me. It’s still way easier said than done to trust in His plan and not be anxious about the future. I’ve never worried about the future because I just go with the flow and land wherever life takes me, but this time it’s just a bunch of transitions all at once and it’s scary. I know other people my age agree. I’m about to, most likely, lose a bunch of friends, and the ones I keep will live farther than 15 minutes away from me, unlike the past. My twin brother and I will be going down our own paths as well, and it’s scary. We have literally NEVER lived apart. Even in the womb. Perks of being a twin :) It’s also just scary because of finding a job, living arrangements, getting accepted into the Sonography program, and just being apart from everything I have ever known. Anyways, it will all be okay and I’m overall excited! Thinking just gets the best of me sometimes. However, the last few days I have been having some irrational thoughts that I haven’t had in quite some time now. Thoughts of not being good enough, that everyone I love will leave me, or get tired of me and find someone better to be friends with or whatever, and the apathetic loneliness that creeps into my soul occasionally, has made me feel low. Depression is a struggle of mine, especially when it fights me like this, trying to take all the joy and peace out of me. Some days I lose the battle, but I will never lose the war. To those of you reading this who struggle with similar demons, stay strong. Things get better and it won’t hurt forever. Just hang in there until the sunshine within your soul shines again and warms you up. Remember that you ARE good enough. You are MORE than enough. Hou ARE loved despite how you feel, and you are irreplaceable. You ARE wanted, and you are NOT a burden. You ARE NOT alone. You ARE strong and you CAN do this. So please hang in there. Drink some water. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself and don’t hurt yourself emotionally or physically and eat at least a little something. Healthy body = Healthy mind. So yeah, the past few days have been hard. They have been filled with doubt, bad feelings, intrusive thoughts and just a depressed mood. But this too shall pass and it will be okay. A lot of times people ask me “why are you depressed?” Or “what’s making you depressed?” And I don’t know how to answer that a lot of times because honestly, it’s just something that happens. Sometimes out of no where, with no reason at all. I just sink and feel down and struggle to get back up for a few days and then I’m okay again. During these low points is when I start to fear the things that used to make me excited (for example, college and Sonography school) and I over analyze and overthink and I just make my mood worse than it was before and basically eat myself alive. It’s a lot of fun (sarcasm). If you struggle with these feelings I’m very sorry, but you can do this! You and I will be okay and were given these battles because we are strong enough to fight them. Don’t lose hope. Don’t lose the fight in you! Feel free to email me or find me on social media (all my links are at the top of this page and on the contact page of my blog!) thanks for reading. I will be turning off commentary on this post because it’s something very personal and very vulnerable and I’m hesitant to even post this. So if you read this blog, it means I jumped the hurdle of my fear and shared this with you all instead of leaving this in my unfinished drafts folder. I hope you all have a great Easter tomorrow. Don’t forget to be kind and love one another. With much love,
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