Thoughts3/31/2018 Hello everyone! It’s Saturday again! It feels like last Saturday was literally yesterday, this was a fast week. So far this weekend, I’ve applied for college and I have looked into the programs that the college I hope to attend has, and I’m very excited for the future! I decided I want to be a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer sometime last week, I think, and it feels great to have a goal planned. It’s also frightening because I have no clue how I’m going to get to where I’m going, but Gods got me. It’s still way easier said than done to trust in His plan and not be anxious about the future. I’ve never worried about the future because I just go with the flow and land wherever life takes me, but this time it’s just a bunch of transitions all at once and it’s scary. I know other people my age agree. I’m about to, most likely, lose a bunch of friends, and the ones I keep will live farther than 15 minutes away from me, unlike the past. My twin brother and I will be going down our own paths as well, and it’s scary. We have literally NEVER lived apart. Even in the womb. Perks of being a twin :) It’s also just scary because of finding a job, living arrangements, getting accepted into the Sonography program, and just being apart from everything I have ever known. Anyways, it will all be okay and I’m overall excited! Thinking just gets the best of me sometimes. However, the last few days I have been having some irrational thoughts that I haven’t had in quite some time now. Thoughts of not being good enough, that everyone I love will leave me, or get tired of me and find someone better to be friends with or whatever, and the apathetic loneliness that creeps into my soul occasionally, has made me feel low. Depression is a struggle of mine, especially when it fights me like this, trying to take all the joy and peace out of me. Some days I lose the battle, but I will never lose the war. To those of you reading this who struggle with similar demons, stay strong. Things get better and it won’t hurt forever. Just hang in there until the sunshine within your soul shines again and warms you up. Remember that you ARE good enough. You are MORE than enough. Hou ARE loved despite how you feel, and you are irreplaceable. You ARE wanted, and you are NOT a burden. You ARE NOT alone. You ARE strong and you CAN do this. So please hang in there. Drink some water. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself and don’t hurt yourself emotionally or physically and eat at least a little something. Healthy body = Healthy mind. So yeah, the past few days have been hard. They have been filled with doubt, bad feelings, intrusive thoughts and just a depressed mood. But this too shall pass and it will be okay. A lot of times people ask me “why are you depressed?” Or “what’s making you depressed?” And I don’t know how to answer that a lot of times because honestly, it’s just something that happens. Sometimes out of no where, with no reason at all. I just sink and feel down and struggle to get back up for a few days and then I’m okay again. During these low points is when I start to fear the things that used to make me excited (for example, college and Sonography school) and I over analyze and overthink and I just make my mood worse than it was before and basically eat myself alive. It’s a lot of fun (sarcasm). If you struggle with these feelings I’m very sorry, but you can do this! You and I will be okay and were given these battles because we are strong enough to fight them. Don’t lose hope. Don’t lose the fight in you! Feel free to email me or find me on social media (all my links are at the top of this page and on the contact page of my blog!) thanks for reading. I will be turning off commentary on this post because it’s something very personal and very vulnerable and I’m hesitant to even post this. So if you read this blog, it means I jumped the hurdle of my fear and shared this with you all instead of leaving this in my unfinished drafts folder. I hope you all have a great Easter tomorrow. Don’t forget to be kind and love one another. With much love,
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There’s Nothing New Under the Sun3/24/2018 Hey everyone! A day late and a dollar short, as you can see with this blog post because it’s Sunday. Not Saturday. Oh well. This blog might end up being short or kinda long, we shall see where inspiration takes me, but gun violence and the changing world we live in is what’s on the menu today! Even though as I write this it’s closer to bed time than it is to any meal time... Anyway, all joking aside, this world we live in is scary. But guess what? It always has been. Nothing is new. It’s just in modern day, we have this thing called “technology” and “the media” that blows everything out of proportion and shoves information down our throats. Don’t get me wrong, technological advancements are good in many aspects, but every pro has its cons. In this case, the con is that we are constantly fed bad, depressing, evil things, more so than the good and beautiful things that happen in the world. This often leaves us hopeless and lost. We all get that way sometimes, right? And that’s okay. But I just want to remind you all that this evil in the world isn’t any worse than it once was. “Well, back when I was a kid the world wasn’t as bad as it was today” -Some 80 year old woman Sorry to break it to you, but it probably was, just on a different scale. And back then, the media and technology weren’t the center of the universe and depressingly all consuming peoples lives. So there was bad, you just didn’t know about it in your nice little neighborhood digging up mud pies with the street kids. Things change but at the same time they don’t really. And with change comes adaptation, and humans are HIGHLY adaptable. But dearest and sweetest 80 year old lady, I grew up digging mud pies with the neighborhood kids too. There is something we have in common despite our generation gap. See what I mean? Some things never change. It’s all about our upbringing, not generation or age. In my head, I see it as this circle with different things that were bad during different time periods and I see this circle just spinning. So for example, mafia gang violence was a big deal in the 1920s, now mafias aren’t seen or talked about much, modernly, but school shootings have taken the place of the attention the Mafia once had in the ‘20s. There isn’t a degree to evil. Evil is evil. The mafia is as evil as kids shooting up school buildings. It’s just that now, we don’t have mafias cashing BIG problems and deaths as often as we did in the past. The evil has now transferred over to school shootings which were very uncommon when the Mafias WERE common. See what I mean? I hope that made sense. If not PLEASE feel free to email me. Let’s talk about it. But what goes around comes around, it’s all full circle. (#Karma) In this industrial and technological generation, everything may seem bad and dark but I mean, c’mon, God flooded the ENTIRE earth excluding 8 people and a multitude of animals because of how EVIL it was. Obviously we aren’t doing too bad because the earth hasn’t imploded. Therefore, that is why I believe it will all be okay. Just because things are different, doesn’t mean they aren’t simultaneously the same. There is still SO much good in the world. I personally believe there’s MORE good than bad. We just have to look and focus a little harder because it’s raining. But rain makes the flowers grow, everyone! Don’t let the curtain of “raindrops” block your view of what’s in front of you and what is to come. Good exists. Good is within you. Now, gun violence... some people may be rolling their eyes at me right now for speaking on this topic, and that’s okay. To have an opinion is to care. However, I don’t really have a “side” I’m on in this gun debate. I just know that somethings gotta give. In the past weekend, there have been two, not one, but TWO incidents involving public shootings in my town of roughly 27,000 people. I am beyond saddened about this because it’s just something we can never plan for or expect enough, yet it’s also not surprising at all considering the current events. Coincidentally, the “March for Our Lives” also took place this weekend and has been a hot topic of conversation for a while now. Some people say the government needs to do better, some people blame the parents of the generation of young adults I belong to, some people blame the persons doing the violence, and some people blame guns themselves. They all have an opinion and have the right to express it. That is why the March for our Lives doesn’t bother me and why I’m not judging these people. They are protesting in a mature manner rather than stirring up violence and causing mayhem (as far as I know. I haven’t kept up with this march too in depth). Its the first amendment: the right to PEACEFULLY protest. once it gets violent, then you are breaking the law. Anyway, I’m not here to tell you which side I’m on and why you should agree with me. I’m here to give you hope I’m this chaos. The truth is, I don’t know what is going to fix this shooting epidemic. I am not sure what would actually work. I have thought of many ideas such as new laws being passed or gun laws becoming more strict, and many other things that many of you have also thought about. However, I still don’t know what the answer is or what is a surefire way to fix this. And that’s okay. It’s not my job or your job to fix it because that’s not in our power, but within Gods. However, we can HELP. A bunch of small steps still gets you to the destination. All I, as a human, can do is spread positivity in this dark time and pray for guidance for every single person living on earth right now. Guidance that we make the right choices and do the right actions to help end this evil or to at least get it under control. Guidance that our leaders make the right decisions to protect us. And justice to be served to those of the evil doing. No matter how bad things get in the world or personally, don’t ever give up because pain ends and with it comes strength. It will all be okay. History repeats itself. Make the second time around a good one. Live life without fear, despite how scary things get because fear is a cage. Just because the world SEEMS worse doesn’t mean it factually IS worse. Be the hopeful. Be the change. It will be okay, for there is nothing new under the sun. With love, I’m back!3/3/2018 Happy Saturday everyone!! Sorry for not posting a blog in well, exactly a month... (ooops) life got crazy. It happens. But I’m back and I have something to write about. First of all, I changed up the design of my site a little bit and I totally love it! I hope you all do as well, and if not, then too bad I guess. It’s my blog not yours ;) I also got a ukulele! I have officially named it Lilo, because I find the name fitting and Lilo and Stitch is my NUMBER ONE favorite Disney movie of all time, ever. Lastly, don’t forget to sign up for the email list (at the very, very bottom of this blog post) so you can be email updated every time I post my blog and about other things I hope to do in the future. I appreciate all of you who read my blog and I thank you for joining me on the journey of my writing. Much love!! So, lately I’ve been feeling very anxious about many things and just life in general. It’s discouraged me to write because so many people I know read this blog and sharing personal things like this is a struggle for me because I don’t like sharing my struggles with others, I’d rather hold it all in and maybe vent to 1 or 2 people and move along. But here I am writing about it anyways. Anxiety is something that I’ve struggled with since I was little. (Maybe that’s why I always cried when I was a baby when strangers would just look at me, Mom.) I know the things I worry about are irrational. I know the things I worry about are mostly made up of me overthinking things. I know the things I worry about are temporary issues that I over analyze and entrap myself in. But they are real nonetheless. I tend to fidgit a lot, talk really fast, or simply shut down when I’m anxious. Sometimes these bouts of anxiety last for only a few minutes, maybe hours, but sometimes they last for days or weeks. It’s draining and exhausting and terrifying, but I know how to deal with it now-a-days so it’s alright. For people who struggle with anxiety, I’m sorry. I know it’s tough, but you’re tougher!! Keep pushing through even though it’s frightening. So now, I want to talk about a couple different kinds of anxiety. • Generalized Anxiety People who deal with generalized anxiety tend to uncontrollably worry about things going on in life or around them. Sometimes with no reason at all other than the anticipation of impending doom that sits on their shoulders, even if there is no sign of danger. Kinda like always thinking that the worst case scenario is going to happen. • Social anxiety People who deal with social anxiety often are fearful or feel unnerved about interacting with other people. Making phone calls, ordering food, asking questions, and just being around too many people are struggles people who deal with this may face. This was something I struggled with a lot during my early high school years up until about this year. I felt like no matter what I did everyone’s eyes were on me and judging me. Hating me. Waiting for something embarrassing or bad to happen to me. I hated talking on the phone and ordering food was always a huge hurdle to overcome. Even simple things like getting up to throw trash away at lunch was too much. Being afraid to interact with others besides my little group of friends made it easier to isolate myself which was not healthy to do at all especially since anxiety wasn’t the only struggle I had going on in my life at the time. I know social anxiety may sound ridiculous like “What? Why? How could you be scared of people?! They are just humans co-living on earth with us. How hard can it be?” Hard. Very hard. It’s just the way some peoples brains work. And it’s okay. You aren’t broken or a freak of social anxiety is something you struggle with. Your problems are real. Your problems are valid. YOU are real. YOU are valid. Don’t forget that ever, friends. Although there are several others, This is the last kind of anxiety I’m going to talk about. • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder First of all, no this isn’t where people have to have everything in alphabetical order, neat and tidy, super proper and stress out over things that are crooked. While those MIGHT be things that bother people with OCD, it doesn’t mean that you are OCD if a crooked picture frame bothers you. So quit saying “oh my gosh that crooked poster on the wall makes my OCD go crazy” because that’s not what OCD is. I’m not saying that people with OCD couldn’t be bothered by crooked picture frames, I’m just saying don’t blame little idiosyncrasies on an actual disorder. According to https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml “People with OCD may have symptoms of obsessions, compulsions, or both. These symptoms can interfere with all aspects of life, such as work, school, and personal relationships.” I just want to say, no matter what you’re going through or how scary life gets, even if your fears are “irrational” it’s gonna be okay. I know it’s hard to cope sometimes and how strong the hands of worry can grip you. Just know that you’re strong and things get better! Nothing lasts forever. If you catch yourself in an anxiety or panic attack, try doing things to refocus your energy. Ground yourself. Find things you can touch. Grab onto something solid and count out 5 different things that are around you. What color are they? What purpose do these items serve? Are they living or inanimate? Try to slow your breathing and look at the palms of your hands. You are still alive. You are okay. You are inside your own body even if it feels like you’re detached. This too shall pass. It’s gonna be okay friends. With love, AuthorHello!
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